"It Was Just Something That I Had to Get Through, to Get Me to You"

Had an interesting conversation with my sister today about someone who showed up at her ward for church.

I sure wasn't expecting it, but in reflecting on the conversation, I have never been more grateful to swing at and miss a curve ball thrown in to my life a few years ago.

I love my husband more than I ever knew I could love someone.  I am incredibly grateful for the man he is, and the person he's always been.  He is my everything, and literally the best decision I have ever made.  He is so many things, but most of all....he's mine.  I sometimes think about where I would be had a previous decision played out in my life the way I thought it would the first time around.

I don't like it.

Everything I am, and every good thing about me, is made better because of you.  I love you, Robbie.

Unexpected Blessings

photos by Clayton Hansen Photography

The past few weeks have gone differently than I had hoped or expected.  Originally, I had planned to come up to Salt Lake to stay only about 2 weeks before the baby was due.  Mostly, because I didn't think she'd come all that early, and also because I knew I'd go stir crazy away from home/hubby/friends/things that need to get done.

September 24, I woke up from a nap having consistent contractions.  Between 10-15 minutes apart, consistent.  Don't get me wrong, these were not super-intense contractions, but Robbie and I had been praying for weeks that we would know in enough time and be able to make it to Salt Lake in time for the baby.  We both felt that this might be the warning we had been praying for.

Seven or eight hours later we were at my parents' house in Sandy, and the contractions slowed to between 20-30 minutes apart so that I could sleep.  When I woke the next morning, and pretty much ever since, the contractions have been still going...and going.......and going........and going............with little to no change.

The next Monday at my appointment, I was devastated to hear that literally nothing had changed.  Robbie had to go back to work, the baby was showing no sign of coming, and I was moved up a week and a half earlier than I had wanted or planned.  With still no baby.  Or husband.

That week (week 37 of the pregnancy), both Dax and I had a rough week.  Dax woke up during the night and far too early in the morning...to say nothing of his horrible naps.  I couldn't sleep at night, was missing my husband, and desperately wanting this baby to come to make it all end.  We were both losing it.

The next week, at our appointment (week 38), we were only a 2+ and still 80%.  Barely any progress, but somehow I was at peace.  I felt good, and things were somehow more easy to manage.  Dax still has daily tantrums, but he is SO lovey otherwise.  For instance, tonight, we watched Toy Story together on the couch, and he gave me countless kisses out of nowhere, and kept snuggling up to me and the belly, smiling all the time.  He gives me "loves" (hugs) and slobbery kisses without me asking for them, and is always holding my hand.  Even a week ago, all these things were QUITE rare.

I think he senses that something is up.  I know he misses his daddy like crazy (I've become the replacement parental jungle gym, he's always asking, "Where Dad-dy go?" and talking about daddy in every picture he sees, among other things).  But relatively speaking, he's been such a good little boy, I couldn't ask for anything better to keep me sane right now.

The other night, driving home, Dax kept pointing out every chapel he could see and saying, "Dempo!  Dempo!"  I tried a few times to correct him by saying, "Sweetie, that's a church."  To which he would respond, "Dempo!  Dempo!"  I could see it was going to be difficult to change his mind, so I went with it, and asked, "Daxson, would you like to sing a song about temples?"

"Beas?"

My heart melted and I began to sing "I Love to See the Temple".  When I finished, he immediately said, "Dempo.  Seene."

"Dax, would you like me to sing the temple song again?"

"Beas?"

So....I sang it again.  Over and over again, until we reached PaMa and PaPa's house.  It was the sweetest moment....and my heart melts a little more every time we get in the car and he asks me to sing to him again.  I love that he is so enamored by temples.  I love his sweet little spirit.  He's my little angel.....tantrums and all.

In addition to the blessings of feeling more at peace and Dax being so sweet, another huge tender mercy came at our last appointment as well.  I have been stressing majorly about Robbie.  He's been working so hard to finish his current class (it ends next week) on top of working 50-70 hours per week and he's living 4 hours away from me and Dax and 5 hours from the hospital we plan to deliver at.

I am certain labor will be long enough that we can get him to the hospital in time, but if I happen to go in to labor in the afternoon/evening/night, I seriously worry about Robbie being too tired to drive.  This stress mixed with my great desire not to be induced do not mesh very well, unfortunately.  I have been going back and forth and back and forth about what would be best for our situation.  At our appointment, we went ahead and scheduled an induction for Tuesday morning, October 12.  Up until that moment, I was stressed out beyond belief as to what I was going to do, but I felt suddenly so at peace with it.  After all, my babies need a daddy, not a victim in a car accident somewhere on Highway 6.

I know that these things may seem so small to many of you, but to me.....it's proof that Heavenly Father knows me and loves me.

I'm still praying like crazy that Adelyn will choose to join us without the help of pitocin, but if not....I know that everything will turn out ok.  I've done this before, and I have the best midwife, doula, and support system anyone could ever have.  I am so grateful for it all.  But mostly, I'm grateful for the peace I feel.

I guess the fact that I get to see my husband again in T minus 33 hours or so helps a bit too.

Off to Moab!

(this is Robbie writing)

Over the last 14 months I have been looking for a good job in the Safety and Health field. When I graduated from Utah State the president of the university warned us all that our job search was going to be much more difficult than in years past. He was right.

I recently interviewed for two very promising jobs. One job was with Lowe's Home Improvement store in Vernal, and the other with Energy Solutions in Moab. I visited both jobs this last week for second interviews, and felt very positive about both of them. The Moab job seemed more in line with my career goals, however, the Lowe's job was a management position, which would have been a great experience in Loss Prevention as well as in Safety.

As background information, I have honestly applied for close to 200 jobs in the last year. I have had close to 50 interviews for various positions. Despite my efforts, I never was offered a job that paid more than I am currently making (not much). I have been working a job that was completely unrelated to by career goals so as to earn at least SOME income while I continued my search. However, I still was not seeing much success.

Tonight has been a crazy night. Energy Solutions sent an offer letter and new-hire packet in the mail which was received at about 3:00 this afternoon. The position is exactly what I have been hoping for. It allows me to utilize current skills, knowledge acquired from my graduate program, and will provide me with much needed Environmental Health experience. (Not to mention pays substantially more than what I was expecting.)

On the drive home from California Pizza Kitchen to celebrate the job offer, I received a call from the Area Loss Prevention Manager with Lowe's letting me know that I was offered the job. Although I would have enjoyed this job quite a bit, upon learning the salary information I had to turn it down. Had she called just four hours earlier however, we would have been running up and down the streets celebrating the job.

This job search has been so stressful that I had even begun to question my career choice in Occupational Safety. I just can't believe that after over a year of searching, rejection, and stress that we were offered two great jobs within four hours of each other. The decision would have been much more difficult had the compensation been more similar. However, all things considered (pros and cons of each job, location, and career paths) it came down to compensation. And the clear choice is Energy Solutions. We will be moving to Moab.

I have to admit, I have not completely figured out the lesson that Carly and I were meant to learn. Maybe it was just patience, budgeting, humility, and perseverance. But more than anything, I have to say that I am grateful that we have been paying our tithing. We have made every effort to pay a full tithe, even when we couldn't even afford to pay our basic expenses. We are so grateful for the blessings we have received today, and feel that obeying the Law of Tithing has been a huge part of these blessings.

So that's the story, the job starts on July 27th. We are not sure when we will be making the move. But we are excited for this new chapter in life. This chapter of our lives is called..."Not living below the poverty line." Goodbye rock bottom (I hope).

And, I'm Done!

After weeks and weeks of deliberation, I have finally decided to wean Dax from breastmilk. I really feel/felt strongly about breastfeeding my baby, and am glad that I have made it this far, but it has become so difficult in so many ways.

I am grateful that I never had any latching/supply issues, and Dax always seemed to thrive on it (I mean, check out the pictures, for heaven's sake! That kid's a block!), but it has become so wearing on me that it has started to make me angry whenever he's hungry. I don't like that at all.

I don't feel that my baby should have an angry mother whenever he has a basic need that should be met...and that's it in a nutshell.

I am still working on losing my supply (not all that rad, btw), and truly hope that it happens quickly, because it is uncomfortable! But we have been feeding him formula for about two days now, and he has not had a single issue. I am so grateful for a baby that is so flexible! He is the best little man a mommy could have, and he's all mine!

I'd love to hear any thoughts or comments anyone has regarding this (so long as no one tells me I am a bad mother...I don't really need that at all, it was a big enough struggle to come to this decision anyway), so please comment!

Also, if anyone out there has any formula that they won't use that they are willing to share, I'd love to take it off your hands!

Take That, PETA!

After a busy weekend, Monday morning greeted us with an ugly, toothless grin.  We drove back to Logan, not so much looking forward to the messy house that we would shortly meet, and were surprised to find that some extra tenants had moved into our home while we were away.  The original clue was a diaper that had been left out in our hurry to be on our way on Saturday morning.  At first glance, it looked as though it had been shot.  Closer examinations showed this:

Yup.  Mice.  Sweet.   

I called our landlord to tell them about our unintentional sub-letting disagreement we were having with the rodents, and to see if they already had some traps.  They didn't, so I decided that when I felt a bit better (I didn't feel very well) I would head to the store to pick up some mouse killer.  

My decision to wait was changed quickly when I saw one of the little fellers.  I soon realized that the longer I waited, the more chance I had of sleeping with one later that night.  Sick.

I bought some traps for both our apartment, and the downstairs apartment, and set them up.  Nothing.  

Hours of hearing mice run around our kitchen and seeing them scurrying into corners later, I checked the traps.  They had eaten every last bit of peanut butter off them without getting caught.  Sweet love.  

I re-set them and waited some more. 

Eventually, I heard a "SNAP!" and some pitiful squeaks accompanied by a bit of scratching.  I waited a few minutes, went over and checked out the situation, and saw that the little guy had wedged himself back into a hole to the side of the dishwasher, and only the back of the trap and his little tail were visible.  I didn't think he was dead, so I waited a bit.  Probably a good thing because about an hour later I heard the same mouse squeal some more.  I went and checked again, and it was flipping its little tail around trying to get free.  

Yeah, right(!), was I going to dispose of a live rat, so I figured it could wait until sunrise, and went to bed.

Robbie got home a few hours later and checked the traps.  They were all empty.  THE LITTLE BUGGER HAD GOTTEN FREE!  So now, I had a mortally wounded mouse running free in my living area.  Awesome.  Though, Robbie did say that a chunk of skin/hair did stick to the trap.  Thanks for sharing, sweetheart.  Love ya.

On his way home, he had stopped by Macey's to get some different traps (and here I was thinking the more expensive ones were better) and set them all up surrounding the hole.  By morning two of the three traps were occupied.  As of now, we have caught seven (SEVEN!) with at least one more to be caught.  Yuck.  

As you view the following photos, please note that the disgustingness of the floor is due to the mice stockpiling fibers, etc for their nest, not because we are gross.

Nevermind!  Make that EIGHT!  Haha, suckas!

(Animals were harmed in the making of this post.)

Infertility Blog

My cousin and his darling wife have been struggling to get pregnant, and in her thoughtfulness, Abbie has put together a blog/support group for women in the same situation.  It is a difficult trial to be faced with, and no one but those who have experienced it can appreciate the strength it takes to overcome the emotions and pain involved. Please spread the word and visit the site yourself.  There's a lot to learn/share.  Who knows?  Maybe your experiences will help someone see their prayers answered.  To visit the blog, click on the link:  http://justuswomen.blogspot.com

Hobos, Beware!

A month or so ago, we contacted our landlords because we had seen a ridiculous amount of spiders and insects infest our home.  They were kind enough to send over an exterminator and rid us of our many-legged house guests.  A few days later, we found a hobo spider just outside our home, and other large spiders literally knocking at our door, but had yet to see anything but mosquitos, flies, and moths actually inside since the extermination.  We thought we were home-free.

A few days ago, Robbie noticed a painful spot on his lower back that seemed to be getting larger and more tender as time passed.  This morning, he was able to make an appointment with our doctor who confirmed that it was, in fact, a hobo spider bite. Unfortunately, it actually injected venom, so it's quite painful and yucky, and happens to be at the exact spot his belt rests on his back.  Poor guy.  

Anyway, I heard a bit ago (after the exterminator came) that the bug spray exterminators use doesn't kill hobo spiders.  It kills the spiders that eat hobo spiders.  Sweet.  We do have the sticky traps around our house, but they've been there for about a month, and we have yet to catch anything but dust in them.  Any ideas about how to nab the uglies???

A Rough Few Days

Poor little Dax has had a rough go at life...

Monday was his slightly traumatic delivery; Tuesday, he spent all day in the hospital; and Wednesday morning, he was circumcised a few hours before we brought him home.  

He seemed a bit out of it all day Wednesday and threw up (not spit up) a few different times during that day and night, which we think is from the anesthetic they gave him for the circumcision.  Thursday he seemed to be having a hard time breathing, but we assumed it was just some junk in his system from when he aspirated amniotic fluid during his birth.  That night, it just got worse.  He wasn't breathing well at all, and his poor little body was really having to heave hard to get any air it.  We bought a humidifier, kept him in humid air, used a saline solution to try to get gunk out of his nose/sinuses, and sucked what we could out with the blue rubber bulb thing.  Nothing.

We were all starting to get a bit worried because the more time that passed, the more difficult it seemed to be for him.  It was so hard to watch the little guy wheezing and pushing so hard to get any air.  His poor chest was retracting so much, and he was obviously uncomfortable and getting worn out quickly.  

Of course, Instacare was closed.  

Due to possible lawsuits, Logan Regional Hospital wouldn't give us any information or help unless we went in,  so we called the hospital where he was born:  Ogden Regional. 

The nurses there were so nice as they tried to help us, but said if he's really struggling to breathe (which he was), that we should definitely take him straight to the ER.  

So we did.  I was a wreck.  We called Robbie, and he was able to meet us there and we watched as our little guy was hooked up to oxygen, EKGs, a respirometer, and an oximeter.  His oxygen levels were in the low 90's , which was not critical yet, but isn't good for any length of time (they should be at 100%).  He squirmed and squealed and peed/pooped on the nurses as they poked and prodded at him trying to figure out what was wrong.  Luckily, one of the nurses was a friend of Robbie's, and was so sweet to us as we watched helplessly as our tiny baby was checked.  

Nothing visual seemed to be wrong, so they took some chest x-rays to make sure that the problem wasn't in his lungs.  Still nothing.  

We went back into the exam room, and the nurses continued with what we had been doing all day long: trying to soften the gunk in his sinuses and nose and sucking it out with the bulby thing.  After a good while of the saline/bulb experiment, one nurse was able to pull loose what seemed to be a rotten pistachio nut from each side of his nose. We think that in the trauma of the birth, something got sucked up in there and was continuously snorted higher and higher up as he struggled to breathe.  However, he's now doing great, and is even cuter than before.  

This is going to be the most expensive nose-blow in history.  

Oh, and today, he had to get a bilirubin sample taken, so we went to the hospital again. Poor guy hasn't had a day without the hospital in his whole life.  

An Update for Those of You Who Like Updates

This picture is old-ish.  It was taken at the end of July, at about 34 weeks or so.

Saturday was....special.  Why, you ask?  It was special because it drove me crazy.

Saturday morning, I woke up and was having regular contractions about every 5-7 minutes for almost 2 hours.  They quieted down a bit, and we went about our day.  We headed down to Ogden to meet up with Talya and Ryan so we could go to our Business Development Seminar in Salt Lake, and the contractions were still happening, but they were honestly pretty wuss.  

We were seated at the seminar at about 5pm, at which time the contractions picked up and became pretty regular and were increasing in strength.  By the time we got back to Talya's at about 10pm, they were still happening about every 3-5 minutes and had still been getting a bit stronger.  Since they had been going on this long, we opted to spend the night there and see what happened (they are about 15 minutes from the hospital we will be delivering in, as opposed to Logan's 55 minute commute).  A bit before 3am, I felt like we needed to head to the hospital, so Robbie, Talya, and I all climbed in the 4Runner and headed to Ogden Regional.  

Once there and registered, they hooked me up to the electronic fetal monitor and checked me.  I hadn't dilated much, if any, and was still about the same effacement. Contractions had slowed to every 7 minutes on the monitor, and after about 25 minutes, stopped completely.  I'm pretty sure I wasn't imagining the 10 prior hours worth of contractions.  It was pretty frustrating.  

Robbie and I went and walked around a bit and came and hooked back up to the machine.  Still nothing.  We decided that if our stubborn son was going to mess with us like this, we'd leave the hospital now and at least get some sleep, so Talya went and told the nurse that nothing was progressing, and that we'd like to go.  

It took the nurse almost an hour to get into us (they had shift change at the time we wanted to leave), and about 15-20 minutes before she did, the contractions started again, but still only every 7 minutes.  I swear, he just likes to mess with us!

We were discharged, and not much has changed since.  Like I've been telling myself all along:  He'll come when he's ready.  

Preeclampsia, Anyone?

At yesterday's appointment, Machel became slightly worried about my blood pressure. At 138/74, it was definitely higher than my typical 110/70. Using her "intense eyes" she told me that preeclampsia is no fun and that I should be very careful as it can turn serious quickly. No huge stress yet, just precautionary measures as it is still too soon to tell anything definitively. Either way, I've been ordered to "rest." When asked for further definition, I got "unless it's a necessity, like using the bathroom, stay down."

Poop.

It's a No-Go.

Unfortunately, the job is a no-go. If anyone hears of any positions in Salt Lake area, let us know! Robbie is graduating in Psychology with desires to continue in Sport Psychology. Anything in research or psychology should help him to get into grad school, as well as provide a good job in the mean time, but I'm pretty sure he's open to a lot of other options as well. He's a Safety Coordinator (OSHA compliance, EMT) currently.

Wishin,' and hopin,' and thinkin,' and prayin'....

All week we have been waiting to hear back from Radiant Research, in hopes that Robbie has landed this job we have both felt so good about. Our lives have been somewhat up in the air as we have tried to figure out what we will do if he gets it, while at the same time trying to go about our lives as usual. It's not my favorite.

All this thought about leaving Logan and moving back down to Salt Lake gets me really excited. Anyone who knows me well knows that I was against coming back up to Logan after I returned from my mission over a year ago. Logan never held any special appeal to me in my life, and the year I spent up here prior to leaving to serve was less than desirable. Thank heavens for a loving and supportive husband that has done everything in his power to make it all worth it! I am so grateful for a man in my life that has not only loved me despite my millions of shortcomings, but has cared for me even when I didn't care for myself.

Thank you, Robbie for making Logan a place I will miss. Because it is where I got to be with you. I love you.

Cinnamon Life

We made a spectacular discovery about 2 weeks ago.  My mom went into a new doctor that told her about how hormonal imbalances can cause food allergies.  Apparently too little progesterone can cause (or at least contribute to) them.  As most people well know, during pregnancy, progesterone levels are high to hold the baby in.  

Surprise!  I can eat eggs and wheat (I haven't been adventurous enough to try the other, more serious ones yet)!!  My dad says I'll just have to always be pregnant. Wrong!  I hope to be able to do some kind of progesterone therapy treatment after the baby comes.  Hooray!  It's treatable!

Of Plasma and Pregnancy

So many people know what it is like to be newlyweds, pregnant, both in school, and both working.  My poor husband, trying so hard to make it all work out financially, began attempting to be "reimbursed for his time" donating plasma.

After having working there and being thoroughly (though involuntarily) involved in the "plasma politics" of the local plasma collection center, I feel horrible that he needs to do this to help support our little family.  We both made an attempt to earn some extra money doing this shortly after we were married, but scheduling and other things soon got in the way.  It was difficult to go back to a place with so many unsavory memories, but the thought that this was one more thing I could do to help us out was what pushed me along.  

It wasn't long afterward that it all caught up to me:  my former boss had "permanently deferred" me from donating any plasma for the rest of my life when I quit working there three and a half years prior.  It had not caught up to the system as the company had been sold to a different corporation, but soon the past will catch up, no matter who's at fault.  Apparently, I was not the only one they attacked in this way, as I have heard from the current manager that they are now sorting out multiple cases such as mine.  

Needless to say, my poor little black heart aches whenever Robbie goes to donate, as he did this morning.  The poor kid woke up early and made the drive just to find out that the hours had changed and he had to return an hour later.  He was hoping to make it back from donating in time for his 11:30 class, but as it is now 12:49 and I have yet to hear from him, I imagine they are learning that old habits die hard, and taking a long time processing one client causes frustration for my husband and I.  

This being said, we are currently accepting any donations:  monetary or otherwise.  

school...

It's apparently about time I wrote another entry...School started this past Monday, and

Robbie and I are as busy as ever:  Robbie is taking 13 extremely intensive credits this time in order to finish up by the end of the summer and is also working full time still at Icon Fitness.  I am working part-time at the child-development center at Logan Regional Hospital and taking 18 very intensive credits.  

People keep saying that it's not permanent, but when does it end? :)

Both of us are very excited about our courses:  they should be very helpful and interesting (except for Robbie's physiological psychology class, which he is LOVING--blech!).

8 October 2007

Ok, so I need to complain a bit: I hate school today. That's all.

2 October 2007

(awesome shot that Robbie took on our Sunday drive on 9/23/2007)
This month Carly and I volunteered as First Responders for the Top of Utah Marathon in Logan. It was a lot of fun…mostly because we got to see Amy run by at Mile 22 of the race. We single-handedly gave a local child Diabetes due to the amount of Mike-n-Ikes and sips of Diet Dr. Pepper he stole from our camp chair while we were helping runners. Other than that we are both just getting sick of the dual lives as students and workers. It’s getting pretty tough to go to school full-time as well as working full-time/working in a job doing things we'd rather not. However, our collective and singular sense of humor is still intact…so things are going well.